Day 3

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for

Hmmmm.  This is a hard one....

I think I need to try to forgive myself for not taking my sister and the babies in last year when she called.  She was so desperate and living in a hotel, but Vickie and my mother both said not to pick them up and bring them to Pittsburgh, she does drugs and my apartment is so small for two babies and I work full time and go to school....so I didn't get her, and she ended up in a homeless shelter, then arrested, then pregnant again, and I blame myself 100% for all of that.  But I need to stop blaming myself.  If I had a degree and a better paying job than what I have now and a bigger apartment then yes, I could have brought them to live with me.  But the truth is if I can't take very good care of myself then I can't take care of them, and I need to forgive myself for leaving my sister in the situation that she was in.  I have to try to remember that Caitlin is an adult and a mother and she makes her own choices.  Yes she has disabilities-ADHD and something else that I can't remember-but there is help out there for her and she chooses not to reach out for that help.  So.  I'm going to try to let myself off the hook.  I love my sister and I love my nieces with all my heart.  But sometimes love isn't all you need to take care of someone.