I finally got a job.  I'm trying not to be scared about anything and just think of this as a positive step forward.  New job, then hopefully back to school this summer.  I can do this.

On Oprah today, there was a girl who had been locked in a cage by her parents for the first 7 years of her life, and she said something that stuck with me.  She said everyone has a choice, a choice to be a victim of the past or a survivor of the past, and she chose to be a survivor.  She still has nightmares, still goes to therapy, but she isn't letting the past control her future.  I wish I could get to that point.  I don't think I'm "choosing" to be a victim OR a survivor-I think that I'm taking it minute by minute, and for now that's all I can do.  One minute I'm a victim, the next I'm a survivor.  I'm both.  And I think everyone is both, that's been through some trauma.  I don't think you can be either one without being the other, too. 

I do know that I'm still feeling better with the meds, and I'm scared to hope, but I am hoping.  Maybe, finally, I found the right dosage.  Maybe this will even me out.  God, I hope so.

My one good thing that happened today....finding the sand art kit for Nevaeh, and remembering building my own sand art....god I loved doing that.  I thought they were the greatest.  Good memory :).